Red Flags, Pirates & Rubies...

"If you were waiting for the opportune moment?  That was It."    JACK SPARROW

I've never been the type to ignore Red Flags. Y'know the kind that wave from uneasy situations & maybe some not so pleasantries that could've been avoided?  Sometimes I wonder if they wouldn't be so gosh darn inviting if they didn't come in such vibrant & beautifully intriguing pigments.  I mean, shouldn't DANGER come in shades of grotesque?  The kind of colors you would run from or seriously not be attracted to.. Like dirty beige, puce, smog grey or mold green? (ugh just spelling those tints makes me feel a little nauseous).   But honestly, wouldn't those dyes be a little more successful in heading off negatives?  I mean, I'm quite certain I would avoid those colors at any cost & I certainly don't want to add them into my wardrobe (metaphorically or physically speaking).  Nope, not interested in that swatch for the New Year's Eve party plan.  Red is powerful, magnetic & at times misleading, and (here is the most dangerous attribute of all so pay attention) almost always mysterious! My problem is not so much in the identification of Red Flags. Oh no, I notice them right away. Like a Kardashian to a bauble, Oooo SHINY!! It's the accompanying thought process that leads me to dismay.  Envisioning them not as hazards, but rather as endless bolts of luxurious Chinese Silk ready to be crafted into a stunning ball gown. Not just any stunning ball gown mind you, but rather a one of a kind garment of Givenchy ala Audrey Hepburn 1962 elegance. I'm talking MEGA proportions.  Or maybe as a dynamic Ralph Lauren Rich Red sail for an ever stagnant sailboat drifting aimlessly at sea.  Yep, taunting my naked fingers like a warm glistening Carmen Lucia Ruby on a grey cold night, Red Flags can be truly lovely.
When I think about the alternative?  I'm pretty sure I'd rather be guilty of chasing red ones than to ever be caught waving the white kind..
Pirate Flags?
I'll have to get back to you on that one ;)

Hepburn Hugs & Ric Ocasek Dreams

xo
Birdee Bow

Hands of time.. can't even form a fist

"I am invariably late for appointments...sometimes as much as two hours.  I've tried to change my ways, but the things that make me late are too strong, and too pleasing."  Marilyn Monroe

Life moves terribly fast doesn't it?  It's astonishing to me the amount of times I've had plans to say something, do something or share something with someone & it somehow slipped out of  my day. 

How does that happen?  Honestly, how do the most important things seem to fall through the cracks ?  

Recently, I had the privilege of spending a few hours with some very dear friends of mine.  We hadn't been able to see each for a few months, so it was GOLDEN.

Funny how I felt the urge of time even as we spoke. I had places to be, they had places to be. Commitments & deadlines & those who were expecting us.. I knew the seconds were ticking...I knew there would be distractions & cell phones & general life interruptions & I wanted it all to STOP!!  AAArrrgh!!!

Sadly,I found myself annoyed even by the genuinely kind waiter who took our order because he too was stealing a millisecond of our precious time.   As I tried to mentally categorize all the facts, events & smiles I wanted to share with them in their order of importance, I was subconsciously (& maybe not so subconsciously) racing against the clock.  

I want my 2014 to be more about ignoring the clock.

I want a New Year filled with relaxed moments of sharing.

Beautiful moments should never fall prey to the tiny defenseless hands of a clock. After all, they can't even form a fist!

 just sayin  ;)

Sometimes I truly want to

S M A S H   C L O C K S 

Here's to making the

time.

Making it Count.

&

Not apologizing for it.

Hepburn Hugs & Ric Ocasek Dreams,

xoxo

Birdee Bow

More Than Enough..

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Putting my lyric sheets onto the music stand, I cleared my throat a few more times & took a few last sips of tea.  As I slipped the studio headphones on I thought about all the hours of work the guys in the band had already put into the tracks & all the 9 to 5's it had taken to get here, to this beautiful studio.  The pressure, the excitement, the intimidation, the money, the ANXIETY!!  As the already recorded band tracks rolled, I closed my eyes & pretended I was back on stage.  After all, I wanted to belt these songs out like the business.  I wanted to do it all in one take.  I wanted to be perfect and perfectly wrapped  within our band budget.
  Just as I thought I was really in the swing of things,  his voice interrupted the track like an Emergency Broadcast Test jolting you awake when you've fallen asleep in front of the TV,  "Ok, let's take it again from the beginning. Are you breathing?"
  "Uhh, yep. I think so. hmm, Yep, breathing!"
"Ok, from the top"
Take 2 quickly turned into take 15 & then the vocal booth door slowly began to open.  Taking one ear piece off my ear I turned to see a very frustrated producer's face peeking around the door frame.  "What are we doing today girl?"
 He said it with the sort of cool  L. A. laid back vibe that conveyed a feeling of ease while at the same time a serious sense of urgency.  "What? uhh Sing?!"  I stuttered.
Thinking back now, I can only imagine how wet behind the ears I must have looked.  Standing there with the widest of obviously naive eyes & every hope & dream written upon my sleeve.
 " You're singing this song like you've never heard it before & you WROTE it. What gives?"
 I was shocked, "I am? Really? I don't know.  I don't know what I'm doing. What am I doing?"
Last thing I had wanted to do was hold up this costly process, second to last thing I wanted to do was disappoint our producer.  After all, he believed in us.  He believed in me.  He was trying to make my music a reality &  he was the epitome of cool.
 He continued, "What are you thinking about right now? What's going through your mind?"  
And then it fell out of my mouth as if in slow motion..
 "Celine Dion."
  WHAT?  Did I just say that out loud?
  Was that even true?  What??
  No more than I said it he began laughing.
 I wanted to fall down laughing hysterically too or maybe I just wanted to cry? I'm not sure, but this all consuming overwhelming sense of defeat had just taken over my entire existence & I suddenly felt exposed & really really uncool.   I wanted to bolt, but I couldn't, he was blocking the doorway. 

 "Why in the world are you thinking about Celine Dion, while we're recording INDIE ROCK music that YOU wrote?
 I had no answer.  Truth is, I admire her a great deal. Let's face it, she's amazing, phenomenal even, but honestly?  Not really a huge fan. I mean, I don't have her on repeat on the iPod.  But, there she stood, knee deep in my psyche dressed in some fabulously golden beaded Vegas show gown looking like a million bucks.  This ever powerful, legendarily angelic voice of  perfection echoing through my head..  Her killer pipes & awe inspiring range taunting me as if to say, "You're not good enough, Go back home Sucka."
Ahhhh  The mind is a crazy place. I'm absolutely certain of this.

 "Sorry, we're not doing Dion today."  He said it while propping the door open & motioning me out of the booth.  As we sat there in front of the control board, we talked about the songs, about music in general & why it had become a central part of our lives.   He asked me what music really meant to me & why I had written songs in the first place.  I told him a few of the stories behind the music & he listened.  Really listened.  He reminded me of who I was & what made me different & interesting & most importantly?  Worthy.
  Funny isn't it?  All those days & months spent touring, confidently writing, performing & sharing my music, but as soon as I stepped into the vocal booth I forgot how to be me.  Seems like a simple thing,
 It's not.

I think about that day so often.
 It serves as a reminder that I can't be anyone but me, but if I really live it
ME is more than enough.



Hepburn Hugs & Ric Ocasek Dreams

xo
Birdee Bow